We had an agreement this was purely sex
From: grr, Submitted 10/27/08
Answer from Rhonda Reality
Janet Moon at: CosmicNotebook.com and NewMoonWebsites.com
Question (complete): What is going on with my love life? Yeah I bet thats a new question. I feel like I’m being used or getting exactly what I asked for. He keeps changing things one month its like I’m the most important thing and the next I don’t even exist. We had an agreement this was purely sex, we have an amazing sexual connection. Then he went and f ?&%ed with the system by taking me out to dinner, telling me he missed me (not the sex, but me) and getting jealous. A few weeks later he’s to busy and can’t spare a few hour for erotic fun, perhaps it’s true. Alright so I know he works and goes to school full time. I just don’t get the hot/cold deal. I want to trust myself and say don’t get involved, don’t take this to heart. Trust your instincts. But it it really my instincts or is it fear of getting screwed over once again. So am I being a big whinny baby who just wants attention, is he a liar, using me like I’m some big joke, or could this just be real and we both don’t know what to do? Lay it on me
Answer:
“He f?&%ed the system by taking me out to dinner?” Shouldn’t it be, “We f ?&%ed the system by going out to dinner?” Owning up to your mistakes in this situation will help you to see it much more clearly.
He tells you how he feels, and you say he’s f ?&%ing up the agreement? WHAT?! Karma needs to “SLAP” you. In fact I suspect a few of our readers would like to “SLAP” you.
Look, grr, you are not a very healthy person, so you are not going to attract a very healthy person. Yes, your are really not over your last heart break, and you are taking it out on your present relationship.
This relationship is not going to work out. You are not in the right state of mind. It can’t.
Get a therapist, find a support group, and find some kind of spiritual connection to your Higher Power. There is a strong possibility that if you get your act together within the next 2 years, you will find a good husband. But… You’ve got a lot of work to do, so get on it, girlfriend.
Rhonda’s dose of reality: “If my life resembles a garbage dump, it is up to me to sort it through, turn over the soil, and plant flowers to make use of all the natural fertilizer.” Anne Wilson Schaef
Posted: Sunday, November 2nd, 2008 @ 1:01 am
Categories: Rhonda Reality.
Tags: grr, relationship, sex.
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November 2nd, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Yes, we messed with the system and now I’m fighting emotional attachment. I don’t know what he feels. The movement out of the bedroom opened up a door I wasn’t ready for.
My ex husband cheated on me and left for the other woman. Yeah, I know get over it. I’m over my ex and the dissolution of my marriage. I’m not over the ego blow of being left for someone else, who he’s still with, nor am I ready to open up and trust. No that’s not true, I’m not ready to put myself in a situation where I could get hurt again, not yet anyway.
I could separate emotion when it was just sex and now I’m all kinds of confused. So I put up the facade of tough and what not, knowing full well that it comes off badly. I wrote this on a very bad day when I was frustrated, angry, and wanted answers. This is not an excuse, I take full responsibility for my behavior. I was not at my best. I apologies for wasting your time and for acting like a stupid c*&%.
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
grr, You didn’t waste my time, and you weren’t acting like a stupid C.
Take my advice, and get that therapist. Its time to heal, so you can be in another relationship.
There’s a good man coming in 2 years, so work on yourself, and you could have a lifetime of happiness ahead.
Peace!