Psychic Bitches Answer Your Questions

From: S A O P, Submitted 2009-04-07 17:35:25

Question (complete): wanting to know when will i meet my soulmate. if i do and what are his intials or what is his name.

Answer:
OOOOH, the ever elusive soul mate puzzle…

I am doing my best to get a sign for you to help you figure it out. S A O P, it is a known fact that your soul mates name is usually an anagram of your own. I am getting that its… SOAP. Go take a bath and your soul mate will be more attracted to you. I get the whole pheromone thing, but there’s such a thing as taking it too far. Having armpit hair you can braid is not an attractive quality.

From: DocZoomy, Submitted 2009-04-05 07:02:19

Question (complete): I will die soon.

will i find happiness and love in whatever awaits me after death?

Answer:
DocZoomy..

I would seriously like to slap you..
Stop being so damm depressing..
Pick yourself up and dust yourself off..
Its going to get better..

Viperangel

From: Najma, Submitted 2009-04-05 15:10:29

Question (complete): i have been seperated from my husband since dec 1 2008 due to his mother’s entry in the house 2 days ago i asked him to send me few of my cloths i think he told his mom and he sent ALL my cloths, shoes and stuff i want to ask is my relationship completely over with him or are we still going to be one soon in one house

Answer:
Try a guy who does not live with his mother. By the way, are you sure he is heterosexual?

He sent you all of your clothes. Whether or not he’s intending to send a signal, take it as a signal and move on. Otherwise, you’re looking at more drama in the future. Grown adults don’t ask Mommy what to do in their relationships. Unless you want a relationship with his Mommy, move on.

From: Jenny, Submitted 2009-03-31 12:53:41

Question (complete): what hAppened?

Saturday night my man left me a voicemail saying he loved me, the neh came to see me at work on sunday and he was so happy to see me. we made plans to see eachother on monday and he never called to cancel or anything. in the past when he hasnt felt like hanging out he texts to tell me.he wont return my calls or texts. im worried that he got hurt or something.

Answer:
Jenny..

You know it takes up to five weeks to get a answer..
Go see him… I feel quite ill..

Viper

From: Jrb, Submitted 2009-04-03 10:46:46

Question (complete): I just want to know what is the relationship between this lady and my husband, is it romantic, professional?? He does not give me a straight answer when I ask him.

Answer:
JRB,

She doesn’t charge him. That my pretty rules out professional I would think. Quit asking him, it only makes him want to spend time with the one that is not an old nag! “SSSLLLAAAPPP!!!”

Karma

P.M.S. Viper is not an old nag, yet. Use her tip jar. Or you can use Cruella’s, she is a professional! “SLAP!”

From: Sunshine, Submitted 2009-04-02 16:20:58

Question (complete): What do you see in the future for my 83 1/2 year old mom? Why has she been stricken with so many health issues? My mom is a survivor as most women are but how much can she take. She lives alone, won’t even consider a place where she would be with people her own age, she relies totally on her family. But the problem here is that its only a few of us that visit and call her regularly. Everyone works or don’t live near. I live near and take her out every week and call her regularly but I feel her loneiness and pain and it weighs me down. Thanks for your time. Love your website.

Answer:
Sunshine,

You wonder why your mother is having health problems at almost 84 years old.

Let’s start with first she had children and, her health is starting to fail.

She probably believes she won’t make it another 25 years to get married.

Do what you are doing because you are making her happy and perhaps she is waiting for someone to give her permission to join the loved ones who have predeceased her. Make her remainder of time on this earth a happy one and let her know what she means to you.

Cruella D’Archangelo

From: Rhain, Submitted 2009-04-01 22:38:21

Question (complete): what do you see for me in the future?

Answer:
Rhain,

Your future holds more of the same crap, just a different day. This kind of question is too broad for this venue, please resubmit something that is more defined.

Life is short, fly groovy
BrazenOwl
www.shyowl.net

From: gneeg, Submitted 2009-04-02 19:22:45

Question (complete): Dear Bitches,
Do I have to be a bitch go get an answer from you? Haven’t you figured out that I’m stressed over this guy? ____ Was my Chi Gong teacher and we had a falling out. I was thinking about getting a divorce at the time because my husband was sleeping with both men and women and I wasn’t sure what kind of STD he was going to bring home? Will _____ and I ever speak again? Do you see us in any sort of relationship in the future? I literally saw him in my living room about 4 months ago (astral traveled to me.)I, also, saw him in a vision before I met him about 6 years ago.
Bitchiness aside, can you help me?

Answer:
Gneeg, being a bitch will not get you an answer ANY faster. In fact, this time, what it got you was ME grabbing your question again. LUCKY you!

So, is _____ his new nickname? How suitable since he is invisible when you see him. I don’t feel like typing _____ throughout my answer so I’m just going to call him the Invisible Man.

Now tell me, did you tell the Invisible man about your husband’s potential STDs? Call me crazy, that could be a problem.

You want help? OK. First, go to a free clinic and get your diseases taken care of. Then go buy yourself a net and a can of spray paint. Next time the Invisible Man pops up in your living room, net him and spray paint him so he can’t hide. Then ask him what kind of a relationship he wants with you.

A little additional help… next time, when you want a faster answer, visit one of the psychics websites and PAY for a reading. You’ll get an answer right away. Just don’t pick me. People who have relationships in their head is not one of my specialties.

From: Sashae, Submitted 2009-03-31 17:08:12

Question (complete): Will my little sister get her phone back today?I know this is not a question to be asking you all but I just need to know because she has been bugging me about my phone and I am tired of her sneaking on my phone…

Answer:
Sashae,

You didn’t read the “it takes up to 5 weeks to receive your answer” or did you think wanting an answer today would speed it up?

You had your answer before I received your question. For your entertainment I will answer you.

She did not get it back “today” “SSSSSLLLLLASAAAAPPPPP!!!!”

Use Laven’s tip jar “today”

Karma

From: SB, Submitted 2009-04-23 16:40:02

Question (complete): I am a married man. About 3 1/2 years ago I had an affair with a co-worker. I am madly in love with her and cant get her out of my mind. About 2 years ago she told me she has now has a live in boy friend but yet she will come into my optical shop or e mail me.
The question is: Is she really happy with this “boyfriend” Do I have a good chance of getting her back into my life?

Answer:
SB, Happy Birthday, Taurus! (And, that’s probably the first and last nice thing I’m going to say to you.)

“Do you have a chance of getting her back?” Like a snowball in hell!

This woman knew how to curl your toes and dig deep into your heart. You had your chance at true love. You had your chance for a happy long lasting relationship, but… You chose not to take it. You chose to keep your wife.

She may miss you, and she may not have the connection with the new boyfriend like she had with you. But… She won’t have the heartache, and the pain, and the loneliness anymore.

From: mandy jo, Submitted 2009-03-30 12:40:52

Question (complete): i was wondering if u see children in my future and if so what age?

Answer:
Mandy Jo,

Just when I was beginning to believe there is no stupid questions. Why all children start the same age at birth. “SSSLLLAAAPPP!!!”

It is good that Cruella didn’t get this question. She knows nothing of birth.

Karma

From: az, Submitted 2009-04-10 22:28:05

Question (complete): I called a psychic a couple of weeks ago and she told me that I was going to recieve a larg amount of money in september, I was wondering if she is just blowing smoke up my butt or if she is right. The reason I ask is because I have come to a point where I might have to take loans out for my education, but am scared that I might have problems paying it back. I also was wondering ,if it is true, how much?

Answer:
ROFLMAO!!!!

The psychic told you that you have a large amount of money coming???

Call her back… If she trusts her accuracy, then she will give you credit, and you can pay her when the money comes!

Rhonda’s dose of reality: Tell them at the loan company, that Psychic Rhonda Reality sent you. That will always get you quick credit. hehehehe

From: Nikita, Submitted 2009-03-29 09:47:29

Question (complete): I love my boyfriend, but we’re in the middle of a difficult period. Will we be okay?

Answer:
Your boyfriend has periods? Wow. I would either check to make sure he is really a he, or else call Ripley’s. Take some Midol and have some chocolate. You’ll both be fine.

From: sls, Submitted 2009-03-29 17:45:02

Question (complete): what is my future with mike going to be like?

Answer:
SLS..

The future is up to you..
It takes two to make or break a relationship

Viperangel