From: Loveless, Submitted 2/19/08
Answer from Abbey Arachnid
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Question (continued): Will I ever find a lover who is kind and respectful to me? I’m a decent person and I treat people the best I can. My latest relationship disaster was this: I was, until last year, involved with a guy who I was with for two years, who said he loved me. Early last year (Jan 07) he would up meeting up with some old friends from School, one of them a younger girl. I quickly became aware that he had feelings for this person, although he constantly & consistantly denied that he did. We broke up shortly after, for that, and other reasons – mostly him being disresepectful towards me. We hadn’t spoken in a year, until recently. We got back in touch and he made it seem like he was interested in seeing me again, but just last night I spoke with him on the phone and he dropped an emotional “H” bomb on me. He told me that he only started to have feelings for me just when I broke up with him (March 07)although we had been dating for over two years!! Then he tells me he is deeply in love with this girl, that he thinks she is his soul mate and he is practically “obsessed” (his words) with her. Needless to say I was completely devastated!! He said she gives him hot and cold signals and asks if he treated me the way he treats her (Im not exactly sure how he treats her – so Im unsure as to what that question meant) I don’t feel that I deserved this kind of treatment – not during the relationship, nor how he finally told me he really actually had feelings for this other girl. Can I move on? Can I be Happy? Is there someone else for me soon? I’m completely heartbroken and need some hope to carry on. Thank you kindly in advance for your guidance.
Answer:
Hello Loveless,
The question isn’t can you move on…the question is WILL you move on? It’s a choice just like everything else in life and I can’t answer that for you. I hope you will, but it’s too early to tell.
You’ve got some work to do before you can attract real love into your life. You must access the dynamics of past relationships and figure out what patterns you have been repeating ad nauseum. We all do it, few of us recognize it, and we are doomed to repeat it if we don’t take an honest inventory of where we have been.
I know you feel like you have been a victim in all this, and I realize you have not been treated in the proper fashion by someone who claimed to care about you. The truth is, you have responsibility in this too. Tell you what, begin your delving into the past with this here relationship. Figure out what went wrong and how you played a part in your own disaster, claim it and compare it to the relationship before that and the relationship before that. I promise you, a pattern will emerge. Once it is discovered, swear to heaven or hell that you’ll do things differently next time. Oh, and be happy.
Best of Wishes to you,
Abbey ^^O^^
“Animals are Angels in disguise”
